It’s not me, it’s YOU

Where do I start? When we met all those years ago, we connected almost instantly.  It was electric.

You had so much to show and tell; there wasn’t a thing you didn’t know or couldn’t find out quickly.  I loved snuggling up in a corner of my couch with you and discovering a whole new world of topics that no philosophers could ever dream up.  We would stay up all night just chatting.  No strings cables attached – it worked for us.

After the initial rush of blood and electric currents something changed.  At first I didn’t notice.  A speck of dust.  A delay in your answer.  The more often than not ‘Need to re-charge my battery.’

Sometimes you would shut down and not react at all.

Sometimes you would freeze in that expressionless pose and that was even worse – I got the blank  blue stare of death.  I wasn’t prepared for it to happen so soon.  In fact I wasn’t prepared for it to happen at all.

I stuck with you when your memory started to go.

‘He’s not that young anymore.’ I said to a friend. ‘I think I’ve been demanding too much.  That amount of work would burn out my own short circuit PCB.’  My friend didn’t laugh.

You can say a lot about me: messy, has once baked a cake so hard you could throw it like a Frisbee and cut trees with it, useless driver, swears too much, but you can’t say that I fall for looks only.  I really didn’t mind your ‘image’ being more and more outdated.  ‘It’s not the hardware that counts.  Always go for the latest software.’ a Wise Geek advised me once and I stored his advice in the overheated area of my brain aka the Useless Information Hippocampus.  And I must say, your replacement’s software rocks my cogs.

When I started the blogging malarkey you supported it.  ‘Wow’, I said to myself,’ this is the thing that will keep us together.   Something new.  We’ve re-started our relationship.  The novelty didn’t last a day.  Was it really too much to ask for you not to cut me off, freeze for hours and lose my writing that I entrusted in you? Have I really been that bad to you? I don’t think so.  You could have ended up with someone much worse.  I fought off viruses for you.  I kept you fit.

As for your replacement aka the younger, sleeker, more fun One… well, it was love at first sight.  He caught my eye from across the room that day in John Lewis.  We got introduced.  Fifteen minutes later or so we left together and have not been apart for the last two weeks.  He is patient with Peanut poking him.  He is in better shape.  He is my Usain Bolt to your sloth.  It only takes him a few seconds to spark a conversation that lasts for hours.  His ‘batteries’ don’t need re-charging as often even though I make him slog for hours and hours.

He doesn’t mind if he doesn’t sleep all night.

This is the easiest break up I have ever been through.

As a consolation let me say that it was fun while it lasted.  And it lasted for a long time if you compare us to others but it was time for me to cut the cords.

I need to be wireless again.

Good bye Acer Whatever Your Model Number Was and no, I don’t want to stay connected.  As the old song goes it’s over when it’s over or something like that.  You could find out if you didn’t crash every time I wanted to watch YouTube.

My dear Lenovo G580000 ABCDE384 The One with the Fast Processor and Huge Memory (yes, size matters Acer!) – here is to our Happily Ever Browsing!