Tweeb – How Twitter Ruined My Life

Once upon a time I had a life. I read books. Watched films. Had friends that spoke in sentences longer than 140 characters. Then one day I succumbed to the temptation and signed up to Twitter. This is my story. A story of a Tweeb.

Tweeb

Every morning before I eat

I log in to my PC to send my first tweet

I tell the world (166 followers, 2 new and 3 unfollowed overnight)

About how I like my #cupoftea

About my life that is pretty much that – 80% dull, 20% twee

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet

I show off my #cuteasabutton young – #minime but better

Which earns me more favourites than @MyFrenemy

When my phone needs a rest – I pause. I fret.

My life is slipping away

Weeks roll on, I tweet, kids play

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet

When it comes to current issues and crafts

(let’s be honest) I’m a bit daft

I want to be clever, popular and witty

Trendy and re-tweeted by tweety-celebrity

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet

I check every follower – don’t you dare

To unfollow me – I can be scary. I swear.

Now if you excuse me – I know it’s unhealthy

I’ve tried to quit but I’m a bit of a tweeb.

My tea is cold and my children dirty

Their dad ran off with a guy called Bertie

I have to admit my defeat

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet

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43 thoughts on “Tweeb – How Twitter Ruined My Life

  1. That is BRILLIANT! And you have pretty much summed up my life – you will not eb alone on that one! I remember when I did stuff, had things to talk about… pretty much every sentence starts with… ‘I saw this thing on {insert twitter/fb/pinterest)…’ it’s becoming pathetic! lol xx LOVE IT.

  2. You know it’s bad when you instantly start to condense every magic moment into a 140 character tweet. Or when you feel the need to develop a gesture to represent the hash tag in real life. #sad

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