Tweeb – How Twitter Ruined My Life

Once upon a time I had a life. I read books. Watched films. Had friends that spoke in sentences longer than 140 characters. Then one day I succumbed to the temptation and signed up to Twitter. This is my story. A story of a Tweeb.

Tweeb

Every morning before I eat

I log in to my PC to send my first tweet

I tell the world (166 followers, 2 new and 3 unfollowed overnight)

About how I like my #cupoftea

About my life that is pretty much that – 80% dull, 20% twee

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet

I show off my #cuteasabutton young – #minime but better

Which earns me more favourites than @MyFrenemy

When my phone needs a rest – I pause. I fret.

My life is slipping away

Weeks roll on, I tweet, kids play

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet

When it comes to current issues and crafts

(let’s be honest) I’m a bit daft

I want to be clever, popular and witty

Trendy and re-tweeted by tweety-celebrity

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet

I check every follower – don’t you dare

To unfollow me – I can be scary. I swear.

Now if you excuse me – I know it’s unhealthy

I’ve tried to quit but I’m a bit of a tweeb.

My tea is cold and my children dirty

Their dad ran off with a guy called Bertie

I have to admit my defeat

What can I say, I’m a modern breed who suffers from

An inexplicable urge to tweet